I Solemnly Swear that I am Up to No Good
by licoricelaces
Summary: Follows the Marauders through their fifth year at Hogwart, as they make snivellus feel like poop, turn into animals, lower the self-esteems of overweight children, and cause general mischeif and strife while invisible.
1. Chapter 1

_Some Things You Should Know: This story takes place at Hogwarts between the years 1975 and 1976. Hmm.. I guess that's really it…. Well, I hope you like it ^-^_

**Meet the Messers**

Sunlight wafts through the branches of an aged hawthorn tree as five school children recline lazily beneath it .

"I dunno…", whispers Arista Kyles, folding a ripple of brilliant blonde behind her ear. The stray strands of light bounce off her hair into the eyes of all that surround her. She wrinkles her nose in pleasure, hoping to amuse the captor of her affections, and swiftly averts her sight to the sky and back again.

"Think on it", suggests her captor through a tantalizing hazel stare, magnified by a pair of copper framed lenses.

"I will", she retorts with a stubborn pout, though a poorly feigned one. Sitting atop a delicate marble bench, Miss Kyles attempts slipping her gaze from the seemingly uninterested boy beside her. She ultimately succumbs to her girlish fancies and whips her head back to face his overwhelming charm.

"Okay", she manages around a rift of carefree giggles. Pretending to have only just decided to surrender her stance.A devilishly controlled smile and a caress on her shoulder meet her as she slides further into the boy's chest. She playfully tucks her head into his neck, and his arm, lean and confident, encases her giggling body with greater security.

"Filthy gnat. Come where I can see yah!", shrieks a tubby boy who continues falling over himself. His face pounds against a mound of grass, while a small enchanted twig rises and proceeds to prick his neck repeatedly.

Reposing against a nearby tree, a young man with ebony curls snickers silently, his wand whirling nonchalantly over his bent knees. The light admitted through the foliage above strengthens the vibrance of his shoulder length hair against his nearly eerily pallid skin.

"Where are- Uh! Hey, Sirius, gimme a hand- ahh!" the boy forces, contorting his body to catch the elusive pest. "C'mon!"

"Hmm?" offers his apparently oblivious spectator.

Only feet from the scene, a slight boy, clothed in unusually warm clothing for spring, glances toward the boy writhing through the air, then to the amusingly indifferent one beneath the tree. Grasping the situation, he inserts his nose back inside the pages of _A Guide to the Medicinal Properties of Amphibious Secretions_ selected carelessly from some library shelf.

"Hey, it's Mouldy-Bear!" the boy seated with Arista exclaims, having spied a thick Slytherin goon. The blonde seated with him bubbles with delight as she squirms. "Eww!", she chimes with a grimace of enchanted disgust placed upon her delicate features.

"Ha ha, hear that Sirius?", chuckles the boy , begging Sirius to contribute, as their prodding steadily reels in a fuming bushy blonde mess of a boy.

"You have a gift James", claims Sirius whipping back his head releasing a true laugh.

"You're not funny Potter", Mulciber seethes, squiting his eyes and accusing James with his entire body by arching toward him.

"Yeah, he's HILARIOUS!" shouts Sirius at a glaring Mulciber.

"Yeah Mouldy-Bear! You're so mouldy, that when you go up to trees that have bee hives on them and stick your hand, or _PAW_, into the holes in the bee hives, the bees in there are soooo er- don't like you soooo much, 'cuz uh your _MOULD_, that they leave and just let you take all the honey you want, because you're just soo _MOULDY_! Get it? Because- since you're a BEAR, er- a _MOULDY_ BEAR and bears eat honey! That BEES make! And BEEs live in BEE hives! Get it?" chides the boy caked in dirt and small rocks.

…

"Shut up Black, you're a disbrace to your family. You're almost worse 'n Potter!" stabs Mulciber, turning swiftly, and exiting the fued with pride.

Collapsing on the ground, Sirius admits an extended fit of laughter, joined shortly by the others near him.

"You're a DIS-BRACE Sirius!" cries James whose back now faces Arista, his shoulders heaving with uncontrollable humour.

"You two should not take advantage of the idiotic", instructs the studious one, loosely dangling his book between two slender fingers. All three boys succumb to louder bouts of hilarity, followed closely by the fat one, but not followed by the girl now sensing an absense of proper appreciation.

"NOT AGAIN!" cries the portly boy in exasperation, swatting furiously at nothing.


	2. Big Heads, Prickly Plants, and Detention

**NOTE:** The Marauders are back! Along with the first appearance of three more characters (one significantly more prominent than the othes… but still). At any rate, here we go… Oh, and these tales of the Marauders do not all take place just after the last, though they will all be in chronological order. PS: I changed the font, cuz I prefer this one. Ok, on with the slightly more interesting words

**Big Heads, Prickly Plants, and Detention**

"Thank you Mister Black, ten points from Gryffindor. And I'll be seeing you in detention this saturday", bellowed a rather put-off Proffessor Sprout as she rounded a corner to inspect some more students and their thorny flint bulbs. Sirius had just attempted to overturn a flask of amber tinted liquid levitating above a certain Slytherin's head, only to be thwarted by their inconviniently observant herbology teacher.

"What a waste", grumbled Sirius, sliding further beneath the table and eyeing an obvlivious looking Avery.

"He wasn't worth it anyway. Look at him", stated a particularly distracted James, motioning to the boy in question. They spied Avery grunting and flailing his tounge in various directions, apparently accepting a dare to lick one of his bulbs. The Slytherins seated around him hooted with amusement at their humorously gullible classmate. Sirius released his anger as a single ill-humoured snicker and turned back to his rather realistic illustration of Severus sporting a ball gown while refusing to bathe.

"Yeah, well he is Sirius.."

"Well, I'm glad he was caught. Serves him right."

"Why do you hate him so much?"

"Why do you defend him so much?"

"Hmm…"

"Anyway, at least he's not as bad as James. He makes me so angry sometimes."

"He does go a bit far I admit. But it's all in good fun."

"All in good fun? Is that what you call hexing Bertram's head to make it enlarge to twice it's usual size? He spent a week in the hospital wing before the swelling went down! Bertram didn't even provoke him!"

"Yeah, that was a little out of line… but James did visit him nearly every day."

"Sure, to jeer at him and create cruel nicknames for him, like, Big Head Bertram."

"Yeah…"

"I just don't see why you're friends with them. You're nothing like that."

"Well, I guess they are kind of immature sometimes, but if you got to know them, you'd see that they're really pretty nice.. except toward Slytherins…"

"Exactly! Why are they so prejudice? It infuriates me, it's as bad as the Slytherins who hate muggle-borns."

"Well, most of them did give Sirius a tough row his first year, since he was the first Black to not be in Slytherin, and James stood up for Sirius and I suppose it all just snowballed from there."

"Most of the people who bullied Sirius have left, it's high time he began acting more mature."

"Yeah, I guess it's just an ingrained hatred at this point.."

"Hmm… Well James certainly has no excuse for tormenting those poor students! What is his problem anyway?Is he even focusing on his bulbs?"

"Hmm.. it doesn't look like it.."

"What is he staring at anyway? It's so frustrating! He doesn't ever pay attention in class, and he still gets high marks in every subject! He frustrates me so much!"

"Why do you care so much?Brenda Cline does exactly the same thing. Look at her."

"Yes, but. Oh, I don't know, he's just so frustrating! And the way he is constantly snogging that perfectly wretched Kyles girl is simply revolting! It makes me sick!"

"Let's explore these passionate feelings…"

"They Are Not Passionate Feelings!"

"Sure."

"I'm Serious!"

"Okay."

"What're you writing Remus?", inquired a thoroughly disinterested Sirius through his vicious stabbing of cartoon Severus's head.

"Just some notes", muttered Remus as he stuffed the parchment in quesiton into his pocket. Sirius gave him an incredulous squint and resumed mutilating his doodle. Remus began plucking the thorns off his fifth bulb and draining the gelatinous inner liquid into his flask.

"You were passing notes with Lily?", burst Sirius, leaning toward James hoping to withdraw some reaction from his previously silent mate.

"How did-", started Remus, only to notice Sirius replacing his wand in his pocket while scrutinizing the note with James.

"You were talking about me?", complained James, looking aghast, "I do not 'go a bit far'!".

"Yeah, he's brilliant!", demanded Sirius, scooting back fom the table to allow James a clear view of Remus and inserting, "And what is "He _is_ Sirius" supposed to mean?". Remus only staggered for words as the two read through the remainder of his note, making comments about nearly every line.

"You barely even defended us Remus! What the he-"

"That's because it's all true", interjected Lily, rescuing Remus from an avalanche of criticisms and accusations, "And you two should be ashamed reading someone's private note".

"Well _you_ should be ashamed writing notes about other people!", rebuked a more than moderately defensive Sirius.

"DETENTION FOR ALL OF YOU LOT!", shrieked Proffessor Sprout, struggling to attain control of her classroom, "Please, try and focus on your work, or at least allow the other students to focus on theirs."

The four students lowered their heads to their thorny bulbs, wishing to escape the audience of students they had previoiusly been unaware of.


End file.
